I Dated the Devil

Many times when we look back at our past, all we can do is grow from our experiences. In my early 20's, I was finishing my grad school, had the world in my hands and was indestructible.  And I began dating the devil.


Growing up, I went to church every Sunday at our local church, I began working at the age of 12 and always held at least one job until I left for college.  I had a lot of friends, laughed often, smiled at anyone that crossed my path, helped anyone in need, made plans on the weekend with friends, and enjoyed making new friends. 

After I left small town living for college, I entered a large city.  I even had a job lined up in Lincoln before I graduated high school. Now that sounds impressive!  I attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln received my undergrad in Animal Science and began working on my graduate degree. I consistently held a job and discovered the "college life" with parties, late nights, and more.  I also began dating the Devil. 

He was sweet, charming, always there for me, and would give his opinion whether I wanted it or not.  I thought it was the perfect relationship, and the relationship continued for many years - too many years.

Throughout the relationship, I became overly confident, arrogant, unappreciative, bitter - I think you get the picture.  I also quit attending church during this time and I began losing some friends, friends I really enjoyed speaking with and going out with. 

I lost one friend that I was becoming close to and that loss was the wake up call for me.  Why did I lose my friend?  I looked at myself in the mirror and saw who I had become.  It was not the person I thought I was; I was really the person the Devil wanted me to be. 

How could I let the Devil take over my life and hide my true character?  I wasn't smiling, had to force myself to laugh, lost my friends and lost one very important relationship - my relationship with God. 

That day, I looked in the mirror, took a good, long look and knew immediately why I had become this person.  I was dating the Devil.  I quit going to church, praying, having faith and listening to God.  I let the Devil take over not only my faith, but also my character.

I dumped the Devil that night and brought God back into my life.  Changes to my character and the loss of my dear friends didn't happen overnight and lost relationships wouldn't be fixed overnight either. The first step was I had to do was embrace everything God offered me, listen to Him, and find my character that was lost.

I began smiling again, laughing, holding my friends and family closer, embracing all that I have been offered, counting my blessings, and looking at the bright side of life. 

As I'm writing this blog, I have tears running down my cheeks knowing I have my faith, began to find my character again and dumped the Devil. Those tears are also tears of sadness - sadness knowing I have hurt many, have lost some meaningful relationships, have some relationships to repair, and have many apologizes to give.

But as I wipe away these tears, I know I have my relationship with God, found my character, and have began repairing and building my relationships and I have my husband and kids to support me through all of this.  Dumping the Devil was the best day of my life, and I won't be turning back.

I lived to tell about it.....Part 3

Fast forward a year and a half from the MRSA hospitalization and I appear to be healthy, but this isn't true.

Yes, I am healthy on the outside and have been fortunate to not have many complications.  But I am affected emotionally.  I have never been through anything that has affected me emotionally like this illness.  Don't get me wrong, I was very emotional during the births of both my kids but this is different.

Here is why I am so effected by this disease.

1.  I will always be a positive carrier of the bacteria.  Anytime I visit a new doctor I have to disclose I am MRSA positive. I feel as if I'm carrying a disease and it was my fault that I contracted it.  I know this isn't true, but that is how I feel.
2. We would like to have more children. Now we are having second thoughts.  Jason and I always thought we would have three or four kids.  We are very blessed with two healthy kids - a girl and a boy.  I don't want to face those complications again.  The extra precautions that will have to be taken in the delivery room, not only for me but also for the nurses and doctors, to ensure the MRSA isn't spread to anyone else is lengthy.
3. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry.  I know a flare up is less than likely to occur, but it could really happen anytime. Not only am I scared to have the bacteria become present again, but I am also scared it will take over my body again.  I want to be around as long as I can for my family. I don't like the thought that if God decides it is my time to go then Jason will be alone raising the kids.  And I cry because my dreams of having more kids was taken away from me.
4. I am sick more frequently.  Before I was diagnosed with MRSA, I got sick once every three or four years.  I hadn't seen a doctor for an illness in nearly eight years.  Because MRSA weakened my immune system, I have been to the doctor four times in one year for medication to treat other bacterial infections.   

I have learned a lot from the MRSA incident, too.

1. Life is precious. Each day my kids and I drive by a billboard on the highway that says "Defend life because life is precious." This couldn't be more than true. I really felt the full meaning of these words when I was in the hospital getting treated.  Although I have always given my kids and husband a hug and kiss everyday, I squeeze them a little harder and say "I love you" every chance I get.  
2. I pray a different way.  It is amazing how a person or a life changing event changes the way you pray.  I thank God daily for life, my daily blessings, keeping me safe, keeping me healthy and having faith.  When I pray, the first thing I do is thank God.  The second prayer I ask God to continue to keep my family and I safe, healthy and continue our faith.  The power of prayer is too large to measure.
3. Doctors make mistakes.  Doctors are humans and make mistakes like we all do.  Some mistakes are bigger than others. In my case, the mistake was nearly deadly.  If only the doctors would have scrubbed in a little longer or the instruments sterilized a little better, my abdomen scrubbed longer, I wouldn't have received MRSA in the delivery room. But there isn't anything that can be changed now.  The mistake was made, and we all have to make the best of it.  No one is perfect.  The fact is, this could have happened to anyone. 
4. Stop and smell the roses.  Before receiving MRSA, I was a workaholic.  Now, I live for daily family time and time with my kids.  The best part of my day is waking up my kids and giving them hugs and kisses every morning AND getting home from work and getting to spend the rest of my day with my family.  No one can take away the precious time I get to spend with my family each and every day. Without this experience, I would probably still be a workaholic and I have now learned to 'stop and smell the roses'.
5. God carried me.   I will never forget the day I heard 'you may only see one set of footprints in the sand because I am carrying you'.  That was the day I knew I was going to live.  Now I know God will always carry me and watch over me and my family when we are down.  

This illness has been a roller coaster ride and I know the ride is not over.  I wouldn't change this journey God has given me for anything.