I lived to tell about it.....Part 3

Fast forward a year and a half from the MRSA hospitalization and I appear to be healthy, but this isn't true.

Yes, I am healthy on the outside and have been fortunate to not have many complications.  But I am affected emotionally.  I have never been through anything that has affected me emotionally like this illness.  Don't get me wrong, I was very emotional during the births of both my kids but this is different.

Here is why I am so effected by this disease.

1.  I will always be a positive carrier of the bacteria.  Anytime I visit a new doctor I have to disclose I am MRSA positive. I feel as if I'm carrying a disease and it was my fault that I contracted it.  I know this isn't true, but that is how I feel.
2. We would like to have more children. Now we are having second thoughts.  Jason and I always thought we would have three or four kids.  We are very blessed with two healthy kids - a girl and a boy.  I don't want to face those complications again.  The extra precautions that will have to be taken in the delivery room, not only for me but also for the nurses and doctors, to ensure the MRSA isn't spread to anyone else is lengthy.
3. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry.  I know a flare up is less than likely to occur, but it could really happen anytime. Not only am I scared to have the bacteria become present again, but I am also scared it will take over my body again.  I want to be around as long as I can for my family. I don't like the thought that if God decides it is my time to go then Jason will be alone raising the kids.  And I cry because my dreams of having more kids was taken away from me.
4. I am sick more frequently.  Before I was diagnosed with MRSA, I got sick once every three or four years.  I hadn't seen a doctor for an illness in nearly eight years.  Because MRSA weakened my immune system, I have been to the doctor four times in one year for medication to treat other bacterial infections.   

I have learned a lot from the MRSA incident, too.

1. Life is precious. Each day my kids and I drive by a billboard on the highway that says "Defend life because life is precious." This couldn't be more than true. I really felt the full meaning of these words when I was in the hospital getting treated.  Although I have always given my kids and husband a hug and kiss everyday, I squeeze them a little harder and say "I love you" every chance I get.  
2. I pray a different way.  It is amazing how a person or a life changing event changes the way you pray.  I thank God daily for life, my daily blessings, keeping me safe, keeping me healthy and having faith.  When I pray, the first thing I do is thank God.  The second prayer I ask God to continue to keep my family and I safe, healthy and continue our faith.  The power of prayer is too large to measure.
3. Doctors make mistakes.  Doctors are humans and make mistakes like we all do.  Some mistakes are bigger than others. In my case, the mistake was nearly deadly.  If only the doctors would have scrubbed in a little longer or the instruments sterilized a little better, my abdomen scrubbed longer, I wouldn't have received MRSA in the delivery room. But there isn't anything that can be changed now.  The mistake was made, and we all have to make the best of it.  No one is perfect.  The fact is, this could have happened to anyone. 
4. Stop and smell the roses.  Before receiving MRSA, I was a workaholic.  Now, I live for daily family time and time with my kids.  The best part of my day is waking up my kids and giving them hugs and kisses every morning AND getting home from work and getting to spend the rest of my day with my family.  No one can take away the precious time I get to spend with my family each and every day. Without this experience, I would probably still be a workaholic and I have now learned to 'stop and smell the roses'.
5. God carried me.   I will never forget the day I heard 'you may only see one set of footprints in the sand because I am carrying you'.  That was the day I knew I was going to live.  Now I know God will always carry me and watch over me and my family when we are down.  

This illness has been a roller coaster ride and I know the ride is not over.  I wouldn't change this journey God has given me for anything.